WS1342: Why A Happy Home Is Key to Business Success (Part 2) | Julia Barbaro

EPISODE 1342

[Continuation of Episode 1341]

[INTRODUCTION]

Whitney Sewell (WS): This is your daily Real Estate Syndication Show. You know, being an entrepreneur is difficult. There’s a reason why everyone is not pushing to be their own business owner or entrepreneur. One thing that is so helpful, though, is having support at home. As an entrepreneur, as you’re leading that business, as you’re pushing, as you’re driven as you’re motivated, it’s so important to have your spouse on the same page. I hope you enjoy my continued conversation with Julia Barbaro as she helps us to think through this and how she and Gino did this and the lessons that they learned.

[INTERVIEW] 

WS: I like how you’ve been transparent with your struggles to your children so they don’t even feel alone in the struggle. It’s like, mom or dad are struggling with this as well. And they get to see you all walk through that and really live that out in front of them. It’s so important. You talked about how you all had to work on communication, you had to work on their struggles. What’s a struggle that you would share with listeners? Say, you know what, this is gonna happen, this happened to us. This is how you could be working through that before it happens or something that almost ended this whole thing for you all or almost made you all not move or go back.

Julia Barbaro (JB): One of the things that I actually dealt with when we moved down is my husband and his identity was up north. It’s funny because he had the restaurant and we lived in a small town and everyone knew me as Gino’s wife from the restaurant. Now, they all know me as Julia from Jake and Gino. And so that identity, that identity when we came down, the most interesting thing happened. We were here and I’ve never in my life felt so lonely. It was so interesting. I was sitting at the rental – we rented a house – watching my five children or six children – our daughter was at college just right down the street but she wasn’t in the room at the time – being loud and having fun and whatever. And I just felt so lonely. I thought, what is happening? Like my identity was taken from me. I didn’t know where I belonged. My husband had this new adventure with real estate and here I was thinking, well, what about me? You know what I mean? I didn’t know how to communicate it. You know when we get into this, we just get into our heads and we can’t see reality. We can’t see clearly. And my prayer was, God, what do you want me here with? Why did we come here? What do you want from me? Where should I be? I don’t even know. And I completely surrendered it because I don’t know what else to do. 

Once I did that, it took some weeks, but I joined a women’s group which I would normally do. When I say painfully shy, I would never be in a women’s group. I would never talk in front of people. And that’s overcoming fear, if you want to talk about that later. I joined this group and I heard this woman talk. It was at the Bible class. And she just poured her heart out about her life, about her family about her husband, about her struggles. And I thought, oh my gosh, all of us are trying to hide what we’re feeling and she’s pouring her heart out. It felt like all of us are experiencing this. That’s what triggered me to say, I want to help other people realize that all the struggles with marriage, family, and all the difficulties, we’re all going through them. And we’re all supposed to be doing them together, to just be talking about them. We’re not supposed to be hiding our difficulties. Because as the wife of Gino – we all know Gino Barbaro who is just like a go-getter – sometimes I’m not sure where my role is. So, I had to go back to, I’m a mother, I’m a wife and that was my first vocation. 

That’s what I wanted to do so that’s what I focused on. I focused on supporting Gino as best I could where I was at the moment because we don’t know what to do sometimes. Our lives are different. Every season is different. We changed what we’re doing. We’re not sure where we’re supposed to be helping, where I’m supposed to be in Gino’s life at the moment. And that was part of the communication gap ’cause I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know what to ask and I didn’t know how to explain it. And so that’s the power of asking a question. Where can I or how can I help you? How do you want me right now? Where do you want me in your life as far as the support? What can I do to help you out? And then also, I had to let him know. So, men out there, if your wife is not supporting you, let her know. Say, I really need your support because you’re the number one person in my life. Your support means more than anybody else’s. We don’t know that sometimes. We need to be told that and I think that’s important in communication.

WS:  No doubt about it. The focus on the spouse as well and just the communication, because we often just expect that they know these things. Why don’t you know this? I don’t know why you’re so upset?

JB: Whitney, that’s my biggest discovery. If I had to just put that out there. I even challenged myself. I said I am positive my husband is thinking this. And so, I went up to him and asked, are you thinking? And he’s like, no. Oh my gosh, every time I would ask him, I was wrong. And so that’s the thing, we always assume the other person knows what the other is thinking. But, we don’t. But, we could find out and get clarity. We can get evidence behind it if we just ask the question. 

WS: Julia, any other quick advice before we moved to a few other questions? Around just supporting your spouse, in that role at home. Not so much like getting them to support you now, but like how do we ensure that we’re supporting our spouse? I think about my wife who did everything in the home for the first three years of our business or more while I’m working two jobs, practically two full-time jobs. So, I almost didn’t exist at home. And so, I think about, looking back, obviously, she’s just amazing. The Lord sustained us, no doubt about it. But you know, I look back and think, I probably could have done this or that and supported her better during that time, even though she hung in there. But, how can we support our spouse at home best? Obviously, we’re asking those questions, but any other thoughts around it?

JB: I think the awareness. I did this experiment if you want to call it that, where I didn’t talk much. I literally just sat in the room and observed. I observed my husband playing with the kids one day, and I thought, I’ve never really watched him. You know, he doesn’t play with Barbies and I thought it was hysterical. He was Ken, you know. And I thought, I never actually sat for a second and watched him. I encourage you to just try it. Watch your spouse playing with the kids, cooking a meal, whatever it is that they do. Because you’re going to see them differently, you’re going to be more aware of what they’re doing for you and your life. What they’re doing to support the whole family. It’s that awareness that is really the number one part of communication. You see the softer side of them because we always were, you know, we’re hard on each other, let’s just be honest. And I think we’re hard on each other because we see the potential in the other person. We know that they can do it but sometimes it comes out wrong. But there’s a softer side to it. 

I just want to encourage everyone. Do what I did. Sit in the room and observe your spouse. Then, later on, say, you know, I noticed before, how you played with the kids. Or I noticed before, you were making dinner and you looked so beautiful, something like that where you’re actually letting them know that that you’re aware of them. Because a lot of times we’re busy, a lot of times the husbands are busy wherever they are, whether they’re working, you know. I was always busy with the kids and I was focused on that. We have to take a step back and get to have like a timeout. Talk about kids who had to have a timeout and just be aware of the person. 

You said something, Whitney, you said I wish I could go back and say certain things. A lot of times we learned from our past, we think sometimes about our past and like I can’t believe I didn’t do that, or I can’t believe I said that. But we were supposed to be learning from it. So, if we go back in time and say I wish I said all these things, well, you can say them now. You can say to your wife, I remember some of the things I should have said was this. I noticed you did this, this, and that. That means everything to us. And that goes back to our husbands because they can say that to you as well. You sacrificed everything for our family. That’s a new communication skill that we don’t think about as well. So, when we look at the past and we hate it, and think, I can’t believe I did it, well, next time it happens, here’s what I’m going to say. Now, we’re planning for the future. Does that make sense? 

WS: It does make sense. It’s not too late to say those.

JB: No, never, never. Doesn’t matter how many years ago, 99 years could go by, you could still say it because it still means something. It’s that awareness of the person who is everything to you. Sometimes, we put all that effort into random people in our lives, whether they’re employees or something, we treat them amazing. And we go home and we have to do that responsibility and that focus on our values, really comes down to it.

WS: It’s a real shame. You know, we, especially as entrepreneurs, get so driven in business. We’re so dedicated to figuring these things out. Like, whatever, I’ll figure this out. I’ll just go do it. But then the people we love the most are the ones that are suffering. We’re not pursuing that same drive or drive for excellence at home as much as we are in our business. And it’s a real shame. I’ve seen many marriages, unfortunately, fail because when so driven in business but everything isn’t collected at home. Often, I tell my wife or I had mentioned this, probably not often enough, but you know, I’ll say, you know what, if it meant for me to just give up all this and me flipping burgers at McDonald’s for us to just be a family and make it right, it’s worth it. And none of this is worth it if the family’s not together and operating well.

JB:  Yeah, it’s the balance, Whitney. It’s the balance. And I struggle with that at this moment in my time because like, am I doing too much? Am I spending enough time with the kids? And it’s consistent. And I know, my husband goes through that as well. Am I working too much? I’m trying to run a business, you have people working for you, as you’re trying to make sure that all’s going well. And then you’re going home and try to run a family. It’s like juggling. It’s a juggling act that you’re trying to figure out. Every few months it’s different because the kids change. They grow up a little bit. It’s like, oh, a new person in the house. What’s happening? But it’s this balancing act that we’re trying to figure out. I just want to put it out there that we’re all trying to figure it out. 

We see these people. People have told me this straight out. Well, you have it all together. Oh my gosh, I am figuring it out just like you are. My husband’s figuring it out just like everyone else out there. I think that’s important to know because sometimes we feel like we can’t live up to other people. Well, they’re above me, I can’t know. We are all struggling just like everyone else. That’s really what my message is, we’re responsible. We’re trying to be responsible. We’re trying to be responsible for our thinking, for the words we use. A lot of times we’re exhausted as moms and we just say things that we do not mean. But we’re responsible for them still, responsible for our actions, especially for our marriage. I mean, that’s a big deal. If our marriage is struggling, that’s something to talk about. That’s something to say oh, where’s my marriage right now? Where is it supposed to be? What are the obstacles? What do I have to either get rid of or stop doing because of our focus? If we don’t have a good marriage or a healthy family life at home, the business can be awesome, but when we come home and it’s not a happy home, what’s the point? 

WS:  That’s such a good point. It just not gonna matter. Money does not…you can’t buy yourself happiness. Everybody’s heard that but we don’t always believe it, I’m afraid. But it’s so true. Such a good point, Julia. I’m going to move to a few final questions. And I want you to apply these to yourself as the spouse and the mother and supporting your entrepreneurial husband or spouse in business. What are some of the most important metrics that you track?

JB: Well, I look at my husband, where he is right now. Because a lot of times, in the entrepreneur world, things are changing constantly. He hired a new person, now he’s going to be, I know, he’s going to be a little bit busier. And we try to balance that as best we can. But at the same time, I have to also know that he’s running a business. So, if that’s the case, you know what, Gino, let me take care of this for you. I can see you’re struggling with this, this is something that I can handle. I don’t know real estate but I do know a lot of other things. So, I can help him out as much as I can. I have older kids who also can help him out. Say, you know, Daddy needs help today. Let’s go to the office and bring him lunch. I think that’s important, too, that awareness of where each other is in the moment. I remember back when my kids were little babies. Again, our communication wasn’t there. He’s talked about this and he’s like, I really wish I helped you more with the little babies. 

I know a lot of us, we take on resentment because of what our spouse didn’t do back then. You said something before that you wish you had done some. I think that actually helps heal the resentment when the spouse is aware of it. I know, I’m sidetracking. It goes to where we are now. I think our past can help our now. I see where my husband is in the business and I know he has certain tasks that I know he’s going to be busy at certain times. When we go out to dinner, he usually puts his phone in my bag because he doesn’t want to answer it. But sometimes I’ll peek. I’m like, oh, someone’s calling you. And I’m like, you know what, It’s Jake. Why don’t you get it? I know that I want to be supportive. I mess up many times where he is. I want to help out as much as I can. And if I know where that is in the moment, then I can help them and support them. But me nagging at him, he’s not home on time, me nagging at him that he’s doing too much work – which I do. I have to say I do. I’m not perfect. I’m so far from it. I have to say, oh, my gosh, you know, sorry for nagging, I have been hard on you. Because again, if your communication is there, my husband can go to work and succeed because he doesn’t have to worry about our relationship because they’re being worked on. I hope that answers your question. I know I side-tracked a bit.

WS:  No, it’s good. It’s all amazing stuff. I hope the listeners are taking it home, taking it to heart. What about some habits that you have, Julia, that you’re disciplined about that have helped you succeed or produced the highest return? Whether that’s mother, spouse, at home, or in business?

JB: What I mentioned before is that fear, that fear of speaking. I think that was something that I overcame. I’m not gonna say it, I did it for Gino but I did it with him, with his help. Because one of the things, when I was listening to that woman talk all those years ago, I realized that we need to be a voice. You know, I was being an example, for sure. I was being an example in my home for my children on being respectful, being faithful. I mean, going to church on Sunday is not even a question. It’s like, what time are we going? That’s the question because of the guidance, because of what we value.  But again, we mess up. What our values are and what decisions do we make based on those values? 

But the fear that I had of talking to people was unbelievable when I look back. I thought, what a disservice I’m doing for everyone out there listening, and I know they’re struggling. And I know the couples are struggling and the women and even the men and I thought my gosh, could you imagine if I could help them? If I could talk to them? And of course, through many months of prayer, and the sermon, and I really struggled with it. Everything in me was saying, you can’t, you’re not good at it, not a good speaker. I can’t get my thoughts together, all of it. I said, you know what, though, I even said, oh, my God, if you want me to do it, then do it. But I have to do it, I have to put the effort into it. So, I said to Gino, why don’t we start a podcast? He’s like, great, let’s do it. And I went to his office the first day and I’m walking up the stairs and I stopped, what am I doing? I can’t do this. And as I’m telling myself, I can’t do this, I just kept taking steps up to his office because everything in us is telling us we can’t and we have to decide. You know what, I’m going to do it anyway. I’m going to try my hardest and do it. I think from there is where I feel our ministry has taken us. It’s just to talk to people about the beauty of marriage and family and responsibility and what struggles we’ve had and how we’ve overcome them and how we supported each other with business. 

If we have a fear, acknowledge the fear. Yes, you’re still going to get nervous, I still get nervous. I’ve gotten nervous before I got on this podcast because Zoom wasn’t working. People think she’s got it. No, still do it, still show up. Plan, be prepared for everything we’re going to be doing. And that’s the success that I’ve seen. For me, success is different than maybe my husband who’s different from you. And so figure out what success is. But for me, in the family world, my success would be being a good mother, being there for my kids and for my husband. It’s being there supporting him, communicating with him, being that solid foundation in the family. Then with the company, it’s just to speak the message of what I’m speaking today. So, it’s worth it. That’s my reason behind it. I’m not doing it because I like my voice, which is painful to hear, you know, we all never want to hear ourselves. But there has to be a reason behind it. So, what’s your reason? If you’re afraid of something, what’s the reason you want to do it? Then, just crush it. Do it. Be afraid, so what?

WS:  Love that. You have to step through some fear if you want to grow. No doubt about it. If you experience hardly any success, you’ve had to do that. You’ve had to push out of your comfort zone, and do something different than everybody else. And you’re definitely a testimony to that. Grateful that you’re doing that. How can the listeners get in touch with you or learn more about you and your books?

JB: If you go to JakeandGino.com/coloring pages, there’s information on there. There’s even a printout for the coloring pages, which is kind of cool. Amazon has the book and I’ll give you a link for a free PDF as well. Viewers can just download that and get the free PDF. You know, I love when people send me their stories when they contact me. Contact me on email [email protected]. I would love to get in touch with you.

[END OF INTERVIEW]

[OUTRO]

WS:  Thank you for being a loyal listener of the Real Estate Syndication Show. Please subscribe and like the show, share it with your friends so we can help them as well. Don’t forget, go to LifeBridgeCapital.com where you can sign up and start investing in real estate today. Have a blessed day.

[END]